Yogi Berra observed that predictions are tough, especially about the future. But tough as they are, readers inform me that predictions about the future would be more useful to them than my usual predictions about the past. So here goes.
President Trump will win reelection easily on the strength of the best economy in the lifetime of most voters despite the dreams of compassionate Democrats for a bone-crushing, job-losing, starvation-inducing depression.
Also helping Trump will be the weakness of a slew and stew of old, uninspiring, grouchy, white male Dem and dim candidates (plus one womyn who used to be Native American).
Donations to the charitable (cough … cough) Clinton Foundation will, um, continue to decline. Frustrated by such little bribe for their buck, past donors may ask for their money back.
Instead of Hillary, the Dems will nominate Biden. I’m talking about Joe. Not his son Hunter, the brilliant international oil and gas and pharmaceutical playboy tycoon.
Aware that he’s uncontrollably and unconcealably white, Joe will choose a black woman running mate. Joe being Joe, he’ll promptly plagiarize his description of Barack Obama in touting her as “articulate and bright and clean.”
Overpaid Hollywood types and anthem kneelers will help Trump by promising to leave the country if he wins. As usual, they’ll renege.
The Dems will then present Act II of their petulant play against Trump called “Impeachment.” The theater will be mostly empty again and Trump’s approval ratings will go up again.
Britain will leave the continent of which it was never really a part. In delicious irony, an official language for European Union officials will continue to be English – a language that is the native tongue of none of the remaining members – and Britain will prosper.
At the end of 2020, we will still be 12 years away from the end of the world due to global warming/climate change/climate crisis/climate whatever. But the end of the world due to gaseous moral grandstanding on the subject will be imminent.
Meanwhile in the real(ish) world closer to home, skiing in Aspen will be great.
Republican Senator Cory Gardner of Colorado will be defeated by a wave of immigrants. Not illegal but hard-working ones. No, he’ll be defeated by legal but slovenly Californicators fleeing the whacky politics there in order to impose those same whacky politics here.
In Congress, the Dems will lose a few seats in the children’s house – the romper room – but, fittingly, not enough to lose a majority. The Republicans will keep the grownup house and its prerogative to confirm federal judge nominees.
Which they will do. And do. And do. By 2024, Trump will have filled about half the federal judiciary. In total, about two-thirds of the federal judiciary will be Republican appointees, including two-thirds of the Supreme Court.
Speaking of which, I’m glad to say that dedicated Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg – bless her liberal heart – will live to see Trump’s second inauguration.
Trump will Tweet (and Tweet and Tweet) that he’s choosing Nikki Haley to be his 2020 running mate.
Dems will then declare Haley a greedy misogynist racist. With that help, she’ll be elected not only vice president in 2020 but president in 2024. At which time the end of the world due to global warming/climate change/climate crisis/climate whatever will still be 12 years away.
Against President Haley, the Dems will present Act III of “Impeachment” for abusing her power by making herself look good by doing things that are good for the country. When she denies abusing her power, they’ll add a charge for obstruction of justice. The theater will be empty.
The post-millennial generation will reject their elders. They will embrace merit, achievement, work, religion and family while rejecting wokeness, identity politics, dope, laziness, political correctness and California.
Dems will declare them greedy misogynist racists. Being called those names will fail to win them over to the Democratic Party.
Readers who don’t like my stuff but are required to read it, of whom there seem to be many, will try to impeach me for power abuse and, failing in that since I have none, for self-abuse.
The Dems’ advertising division, CNN, whose ratings are currently less than half those of Fox and even trail those of Nickelodeon (that’s a fact) will slash its already dwindling news operations in favor of shriller but cheaper talking heads.
Some will not be real people, but computer-generated images constructed by CNN’s Dem friends in Hollywood and programed to say what CNN tells them to – mostly the words “greedy,” “misogynist” and “racist.”
Oh, the stock market? Ongoing easy money from central bankers, trade agreements with China, Mexico, Canada and Britain, the absence of shooting wars and a worldwide business-friendly, conservative-trending political environment, will propel your 401K up another 10%.
The talking heads at CNN will call it “the Obama economic miracle.” Everyone else will guffaw, and the Dems will call them greedy misogynist racists.
In short, it will be a happy new year. But be careful not to say so, else you might be impeached.
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That was a fantastic and entertaining abuse of the power of the pen. Thanks good buddy.
Happy New Year!
One last prediction: The Aspen Times will fill the void left by your departure with yet another Carbondale Communist whom it will insist is a “conservative voice.”
Great column and most of the predictions sound true (and hopefully so!)
Only one “minor” disagreement with the predictions: the Democrat nominee will be Benghazi Hillary in a brokered convention, or maybe Vietnam John.
I heard Trump ask Pence at a rally would he be his running mate in 2020. Pence said yes. And Trump reaffirmed Pence will remain.
Love the piece Glenn. Keep at it.
Lots of entertaining truth in this opinion piece. Fortunately, there are several great potential GOP candidates to run in 2024 after President Trump leaves office. I like Josh Hawley from Missouri as well as Nikki Haley. If the current field of Democrats is representative of their pool of future candidates, the GOP will be in the White House for a long time. I also think there is a high probability that the GOP will re-take the house in 2020 with President Trump on the ballot bringing millions of new voters to the polls.
Always caught your column off of Lucianne. Will find it here starting now.
Unfathomable decision by the Aspen Times.
Wait. I take that back.
So glad you landed on your feet! You’re a regular read of mine …
Personally I’m beginning to wonder if there will be a Democratic party in 2024. The progressives may decide they will get more bang for their buck by contributing directly to CPUSA…
The CPUSA will decline the DNC’s offer to merge siting three year’s of proof that the DNC is far too radical for the CPUSA.
The CPUSA will quickly decline the DNC’s offer to merge, siting three years of the DNC being much too radical for the CPUSA.
Love the irony that English is the defacto common operating tongue in virtually the entire world. As a diplomat, it’s a real joy.
Papers rely on advertisers. Need I say more?
yup just like our Pile-it up here
and Taylor Swift will win an Oscar for “Cats”
Glenn, you son-of-a-gun, you are brilliant! AND YES, I AM YELLING! THIS COLUMN MIGHT BE YOUR VERY BEST YET!!!
Is it possible that the hypocrites at the Aspen Times, with their bungling stupidity, brought out some quality in you that was always there and just needed a little sharpening?
Repeating what I posted previously, it causes great joy in my heart to know that those Aspen Times hypocrites’ sphincter muscles are twitching violently–I just love it.
Please keep up the fantastic work.
Like Friedrich Nietzsche, the German philosopher said, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” I predict you will segue into another blogging venue of probably bigger proportions with your keen observations and suggestions to the Democratic types. Keep em coming! Remember all entities run by Democrats are on the verge of imploding financially, e.g., LA, Chicago, San Fran,, Philly, Detroit, NYC, Baltimore, and on and on…
This. Is. Awesome.
“Readers who don’t like my stuff but are required to read it, of whom there seem to be many…”
And that’s how good you are!
Great column, as usual. And I pray you’re right about the post-millennial generation.
Brilliant, funny and wise. Love it.
you’re off to a good start so far ….
you are off to a great start in 2020
Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an incredibly long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t appear. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyways, just wanted to say wonderful blog!