When Joe Biden occassionally emerges like Punxsutawney Phil from his Delaware basement where he spends approximately 30% of his time under the care of “doctor” Jill, he’s instructed not to talk extemporaneously. Instead, the people he refers to as “they” (why doesn’t a reporter ask him who “they” are?) put a teleprompter in front of him and instruct him to simply read it.
Even that proves too much for him. Last week’s trip to Europe was one big choreographed photo-extravaganza for him to portray himself as a leader, statesman, and sentient being.
He failed, failed, and failed. He insisted on ad-libbing to the detriment of himself, Ukraine, America and the world. It was even to the detriment of the Russians because it’s likely to prolong the war.
The only beneficiary of Biden’s verbal incontinence was Vladimir Putin, whom his country is likely to rally round after Biden called him a “butcher.” I suppose Biden imagines he’s standing up to Corn Pop again, but neither Putin nor Corn Pop were spotted at that particular press conference. Putin is indeed a butcher, but the President’s braggadocio while surrounded by Secret Service Agents is unhelpful. That’s why his handlers walked it back, only to have Biden walk back the walk back, followed by the handlers walking back Biden’s walk back of the walk back.
The overall message from the White House is, “this guy Biden does not speak for the President of the United States.”
Like many dementia patients, Biden gets angry and even combative when confronted with his condition. This guy who is clearly the stupidist person in any room he enters has the chutzpah to call reporters stupid. He is reportedly rude with White House staff. He denies having said things that he plainly said on videotape viewed by millions.
For his rare so-called press conferences, he’s told in advance which reporters are safe to call upon. His staff pre-approves their questions, and he’s supplied cheat sheets of answers. Reporters who won’t play along don’t get called on.
Even armed with the cheat sheets, Biden manages to “f*ck things up” as Barack Obama once said of the man. He apparently is unable or unwilling to read the scripted answer on the cheat sheet designed to correct his ad-libbing, and instead ad-libs some more.
What to do? These weekly, even daily, episodes of dementia are no longer amusing. Their benefit to the Republican party has reached the point of diminishing returns – Biden’s poll numbers are approaching rock bottom, after all. Meanwhile, he’s making our tumultuous world downright dangerous.
Here’s the solution.
Don’t let Biden say a thing. Just sedate him, buckle him to the podium, prop his eyes open with toothpicks, and feed him some chewing gum to make his mouth move. Then a ventriloquist crouching under the podium can throw his voice upward to answer the questions.
The role of a dummy should come naturally to Joe Biden. He can be the new Charlie McCarthy, but not as smart.
I’ve just saved the world.