Fellow Coloradans, let’s boycott the boycotters

Don't take me out to the ballgame,
Don't take me out to the crowd.
Don't buy me some peanuts 'cuz I'm not broke, 
And I don't care if I never get woke.

Joe Biden lied. And then he lied about lying. And then his press secretary lied about him lying about lying.  

They pitched nothing but spitters. They figured the umpire wouldn’t call them on it – the media is mostly in the bag for the Democrats – and they gambled that nobody else would notice.

But we did notice. If this were baseball, they’d all be banned for life.

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Is that all ya got, 2020?

Pfizer has sold $25 billion worth of Viagra and now they’ve raised the bar even higher. To keep their Viagra customers happy, healthy and horny, they invented a vaccine against COVID.

The FDA approved the vaccine for emergency use this month, years after approving Viagra for “emergency” use (isn’t all use of Viagra an emergency?). Viagra will of course retain its preeminence in the company, and so the vaccine will likely become known as “Pfizer’s Other Drug.”

Some say this medicine comes too soon, that it needs more testing, more time to get acquainted, more foreplay, more cuddling. I say baloney. Viagra comes not a moment too soon. Same with Pfizer’s Other Drug. If only they had come at the same time.

It was indeed a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am kind of year. It’s with proper social distancing, mind you, which can cramp one’s style among other things and attenuate both the whams and the bams. But in sex, Americans and all other people are resourceful.

Sadly, however, there appears not to be the pregnancy surge we often see after a city blackout. Although sperm are ingenious in navigating their way through the kind of person who identifies as a woman because she is one, they cannot navigate across a room or through a Zoom teleconference lens.

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Might we have a Republican president — in 2023?

Yes, and that’s 2023, not 2024. Here’s how.

It all starts with Joe Biden’s truculently delinquent and pathological son, Hunter. You know, the guy who was and apparently still is a cocaine addict and was drummed out of the Navy. The deadbeat father who denied paternity and avoided support obligations to the mother whom he met at a strip joint.

But those are the least of his troubles. Hunter’s “business” is to monetize his dad’s political position. He did so in the Ukraine where Hunter was paid millions by an oil and gas company, though he probably doesn’t even pump his own gas. The payors of these millions thanked him for introductions to dad.

The Bidens admit that the son’s payments from the Ukraine were because he was Joe’s son – they couldn’t possibly deny that – but contend that the payments did not affect U.S. policy toward the Ukraine. In other words, they say they accepted the payola but it’s OK because they cheated the Ukrainians out of getting anything for it.

It’s a little like Hillary’s pay-to-play speech schemes. She demanded and received $250,000 payments for one-hour speeches from connected people who wanted political favors, but denies that she ever gave them the favors they paid for.

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Biden should pardon Trump

After four years of “resisting” President Trump with meaningless recounts, rogue electoral voters, groundless impeachment and specious claims of Russian collusion, not to mention unending name-calling and harassment of him and his family, the Democrats now urge the country to heal, to come together, to unify.

Behind them, that is.

In fairness, that’s what the winner always does in politics. The winner smears his opponent right up to election day. Then he forgives the target of his smears for being smear-worthy, and graciously invites him and his supporters to unify behind the smearer. This is politics, after all, where hypocrisy is an art form.

At least they’re mostly competent and honest about their hypocrisy, unlike their intellectual and ethical inferiors in what used to be called journalism.

This time, however, a unique opportunity presents on the political stage. But it will require elements that are missing from both journalism and politics. It will require compassion, cleverness and courage.

Joe Biden should pardon Donald Trump. You say Trump has done nothing to be pardoned for? Fine, I agree. But it would be compassionate, clever and courageous for Biden to pardon him anyway. Here’s why.

It would be compassionate because it would spare Trump and his family the angst of being unjustly prosecuted in the criminal justice system for what are really political matters. Prosecuting one’s vanquished opponents is what they do in banana republics, not in the United States of America.

I know there’s an element on the left that aspires to banana republic status, complete with Mao jackets, bread lines and firing squads. But most of us don’t.

If Biden wants us to unify behind him, what better way than for him to offer the first step? I’m old enough to remember when sports involved sportsmanship. The winner always offered his hand to the loser. It’s what ladies and gentlemen do, or at least they used to.

A pardon would be clever because it would put Trump in a difficult position of accepting or rejecting the pardon. Accepting implies that he did something wrong. But rejecting means he might then suffer a prosecution by politically motivated people. After the bias of the Mueller team which at the time of their appointment were highly regarded professionally, and the incompetent pettiness of Michael Flynn’s judge, no one doubts the existence of such creatures.

And it might indeed serve to unify some Trump supporters behind Biden, or at least serve to convey the message that Biden wants a respected and effective presidency, not distraction, vengeance and blood.

But a pardon would also require Biden’s courage in resisting the clinical hysteria of the hard left. They would protest in the streets, mostly peacefully of course, by setting fires in what used to be called arson, collecting reparations in what used to be called looting, and destroying property in what used to be called riots.

College classes would be cancelled because students would think they’re too distraught to attend, or at least that’s what their lefty professors would tell them to think.

Denied the blood of Trump and his family, the left would go after the blood of his supporters, and they’ve already put together lists. Hell hath no fury like a compassionate liberal who’s angry that he’s been denied his pound of flesh and equally angry that he’s been forced to admit that he wants it.  

The old empty suit that is set to assume the presidency of the United States is a lot of things, or used to be, but courageous is not one of them. He won’t stand up to the leftist mob that now constitutes the Democrat base.

But what a compassionate, clever and courageous move that would be.

Trump will win again, then comes the hard part


The polls are wrong again, and this time we have advance evidence beyond Trump’s say-so.

Polling has always been an inexact science, and now it’s harder than ever. It’s hard to get a representative sampling of actual voters by making random telephone calls to people whose willingness to participate and trust of media pollsters are skewed politically.

Look at an example separate from the presidential race. In Maine, four-term Senator Susan Collins is up for re-election for her fifth term. In her last two elections, she won by 23 and 37-point margins. Yet polls show her behind this time by about 5 points.

Those polls cannot be right. She’ll win by at least 4 points, suggesting a huge error in the polls – an error of at least 9 points.

Other factors are uniquely Trumpian. First, Trump’s approval ratings are higher than his polling numbers. If both are accurate, then many people who approve of his job performance nonetheless want to fire him.

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