Wringing Out the Old Year

It’s time again to ring in the new year and wring out the old.

No, I’m not late, and I’ll tell you why. It started with the president promising me, “If you like your old year, you can keep it.”

(And then, oddly, he said, “Period.” That’s right: In reading his teleprompter, he read aloud the period. But not the comma.)

Later he changed his mind about keeping my old year, but his change of mind was for my own good. He explained that my old year was “substandard.” “Bare bones,” he said. He told me it was a “bad apple.” Not just for him, he said, but for me, too. So he mandated a new year for me.

The new one comes with free maternity coverage in case I want to become a mother and free contraception in case I don’t. It costs 40 percent more, but hey, good free stuff costs good money, right?

Back to the timeliness of my column. I generously gave money to the Obama re-election campaign, and coincidentally, he generously gave me an extension on my new year. Under the extension he gave me, my new year starts after the 2014 elections in November. So this column is not three weeks late but 11 months early, thank you very much.

Speaking of extensions in the old year, the Syrian dictator was reducing to bare bones thousands of the people to whom he dictates. Obama drew a (drum roll) “red line” warning him not to do so with chemical weapons. The dictator thinks of himself as a dictator, not a dictated, and so he proceeded to do precisely that. Obama gave him an extension (or perhaps erasure) of the red line.

In Russia — formerly known as the “Workers’ Paradise” and now known as a festering sore of corruption, alcohol and crime with 7,000 nuclear warheads for sale, use or rent Continue reading

Days of Infamy for Obamacare

President Franklin Roosevelt called the Japanese sneak attack on Pearl Harbor “a day that will live in infamy.” The ensuing World War II lasted 3 1/2 years.

That’s about the same as the period between Obamacare’s enactment in March 2010 and the launch of the website in October.

Here’s the monthly timeline of both World War II and Obamacare:

• World War II, month one: The Nazis already have conquered nearly all of Europe, and the Japanese have conquered most of East Asia. America is still mired in the Great Depression. At Pearl Harbor, the Japanese destroy much of America’s Pacific Fleet. The next day, Congress nearly unanimously declares war. Volunteers flood the military enlistment offices. The declaration of war is a half-page long.

• Obamacare, month one: Obama signs Obamacare even though polls show that most of the people oppose it. The bill runs to 2,000 pages. The speaker of the House chuckles, “We’ll have to pass the bill so we can find out what’s in it.” One thing not in it, President Obama assures us, is the cancellation of anyone’s insurance. He promises, “If you like your health insurance, you can keep it. Period.”

• World War II, month two: American troops arrive in the British Isles.

• Obamacare, month two: Obama completes his 37th round of golf since taking office.

• World War II, month three: Americans break the Japanese code, enabling them to decipher Japanese war communications.

• Obamacare, month three: The Obamacare tax on tanning salons goes into effect.

• World War II, month four: Americans send a message to Japan, with a daring, long-distance bombing raid on Tokyo.

• Obamacare, month four: Obamacare mandates that Continue reading