OK, gentlereaders, give me some help. In the comments, give me a column to go with these great David Allen Coe lyrics:
Well, I was drunk the day my mom got out of prison
And I went to pick her up in the rain
But before I could get to the station in my pickup truck
She got run over by a damned old train
The whole song is HERE in case that helps. The winner gets to buy me a pickup truck, a beer and a train. In the rain.
the Aspen beat 
My friend had indeed written the perfect country and western song.
This is a great country and western song. However, Patsy Cline and George Strait are two of my favorites. I guess I am dating myself.
Well, first of all, the song’s co-writer, John Prine, asked not to be a credited because he thought the song was “goofy.”
As for the four lines you’ve quoted, they were added to the song by Steve Goodman as a joke. Coe had remarked that the song wasn’t the perfect Country song because it lacked one or more of the stock, formulaic images of the genre: a mama, a prison (think Johnny Cash), rain (think Elvis in the cold Kentucky rain), drunkenness (think of just about every country song ever written), a pickup truck (ditto), and/or a train (perhaps a midnight one to Georgia, or one comin’ ‘round the bend). So Goodman threw all five into four lines. Cute, but “great”?
So I don’t find a column here, except one that points out that a good deal of art is formulaic and self-conscious, perhaps even self-absorbed. Sometimes it’s even self-parodying, as is the case here. Great it ain’t.
Glenn, we always admire your choice of subjects to bring up and about which to write, but this is a loser. I am a poet and a romantic one at that, but cannot find the imagination to work with this. Please admit that some titles from this genre are too extreme.
Coe was simply trying too hard.
Compare this with “Crazy” by Patsy Cline, or her “I Fall to Pieces.” The voice, the delivery, the phrasing, the sincerity of the piece, the poetry. Try.
I can’t think of an entire column, but will suggest a title for one: “My Country Got Run Over By a Tranny.” You’re welcome.
There you go! How ‘bout
“My Mama’s Freezin’ and My Pickup’s Outa Gas” ? Or
“I’m Grievin’ on a Jet Plane
(Don’t know when I’ll Mask Up Again”) ? Or
“From Port Arthur to Port Authority,
On a Midnight Bus of Migrants” ?
Let the contest begin.
Now Bitter and Steve have something goin’ here. Keep it rollin’ and a great song will surely evolve.
You win.What kinda truck are you gonna buy ‘darlin’ Glenn?
It’ll be a monster truck. If you’ll recall, he likes those a lot.
There’s nothing left UNsaid in that verse, so any column would be redundant. Instead, I put together a crossword puzzle. Check your e-mail…
OK.
I’m not going to fix your problem, I’m going to make it bigger. Maybe solving one creative task will get the ball rolling to solve everything.
We need to invent a new word.
This is one word that describes a specific action.
This is the action: holding a device like a phone or a tablet in front of the car or truck A/C vent in order to cool it off.
When these electronics get too hot, they stop working. Holding one in front of a blowing A/C vent cools it down enough to poke it.
Chillbot, e-cool, i-cool are all lame.
What is one word to describe this action?
David Allen Coe was featured in an episode of Squidbillies (Created by: Jim Fortier; Dave Willis, and ‘Made – In – Georgia). ‘The Okaleechee Dam Jam. Drought is a disease. David Allan Coe is the cure.’ The Okaleechee Dam Jam – S3 EP17 – Squidbillies – Adult Swim.
I highly recommend watching it. It revolves around the water war Georgia and Tennessee was havin at the time. As I recall, Georgia won. I think. Enjoy.
“I’m leavin, on – a – jet plane.
Well, maybe not.
I understand writer’s block.
Why not use it as a metaphor for some PC woke office hell scenario. I couldn’t even submit my resignation till I conceded… now that’s the perfect letter to move on along