The death of skiing may be the rebirth of Colorado

Colorado is a much different place from when I grew up in Colorado Springs in the 60s. That was before the Eisenhower Tunnel on I-70 was drilled under 11,990’ Loveland Pass. It was before the gondola at Aspen and it was before Snowmass was founded. Vail Pass was a treacherous gravel road, and the town of Vail did not exist.

It was wonderful.

Our family had one of those pop-up tent trailers and we went camping several times a year. Getting there was half the fun.

Our family of six would pile into the station wagon with the trailer in tow. My father would floor it, seeking momentum and speed – maybe 60-65 mph – to get a run at Ute Pass which was the two-lane road serving as the gateway from Colorado Springs into the Rocky Mountains. He’d invariably get slowed by a truck in front, curse, and we’d struggle up the pass at about 35 mph.

But we got there. “There” would be one of hundreds of campgrounds with spots for tents, trailers and tent-trailers like us. There were only a few RVs back in those days. They literally looked down on us from their perches high above the ground, but we figuratively looked down on them for not being real campers.  

Only rich people stayed in motels. We weren’t rich.

I learned many years later that, unsurprisingly, my mother hated camping – for all the reasons that an 11-year-old boy loved it.

What’s not to love? Fishing with worms, walking and wandering, climbing trees, making forts, getting dirty, shooting imaginary Indians and, most importantly, camp fires!

It was wonderful.

This fun was limited to summertime, of course. Winter was too cold for even intrepid would-be mountaineers such as that 11-year-old boy.

Winter brought skiing, but it was an oddity. Skis were long and straight with “bear trap” cable contraptions for bindings. Boots were leather. Clothing, at least in my case, was an army surplus jacket, cotton jeans, a stocking cap and work gloves.

I once rode a two-person chairlift with a stranger. It moved excruciatingly slowly, as they all did in those days. As I shivered, the stranger scolded me, “Kid, you’re gonna shake us off the lift!”

Given the slowness of the lifts, you were lucky to get six or seven runs into a day. But the price of a daily lift ticket was commensurate – about six or seven dollars.

You had to be a good skier to get down the mountain in one piece. I wasn’t. I could guarantee a “yard sale” most days, where a wipeout would scatter over the slope my assorted apparel, skis, poles and boots (well, not the boots).

It was wonderful.

Things are different now. Skiing is big business, and lift tickets are upward of $250. Vail Resorts is a public company listed on the New York Stock Exchange. Slopes are finely groomed with both natural and man-made snow, and equipment is vastly improved, such that an ordinary Joe on his third day can ski easy slopes without falling down.

It’s terrible.

Traffic is horrendous. I-70 is jammed with stop-and-go traffic heading into the mountains on Friday afternoon and headed back to Denver on Sunday evening. A two-hour drive between Denver and Vail often takes four, and more if there’s an accident or snowstorm.

Which highlights the irony of skiing. For a real skier interested in challenging terrain, the snow is good only for a day or two after a storm. But that’s when the mountain roads are clogged with rental SUVs from Texas and California (don’t even get me started on the Australians) driven by so-called drivers who attempt to drive on snow only once a year when they come to ski Colorado.

When the snow is good, the driving is horrendous. And when the driving is good, the snow is horrendous.

Driving has been exceptionally good this winter. It’s no exaggeration to say that Colorado has had record-good driving this winter.

The only solution to this cruel paradox is to live at the ski resort. In Aspen, that’s perfectly doable for about $9 million for a three-bedroom condo. (It’s only about $6 million in Vail, but then you have to live in – ugh! – Vail.)

With that condo, you do get to live in Aspen (or – ugh! – Vail). That’s great if you like crowds (and, in the case of Vail, you like the interstate highway passing right through the center of town).

And it’s great if you like locals who despise you for having earned money as an investment banker in New York working 70-hour weeks while they were ski-bumming their youth away in Aspen (or dodging the interstate in – ugh! – Vail) while bitchin’ about the rich tourists who hire them for ski lessons at $1,500/day, plus tip.

This devolution of the State of Colorado has coincided with the state’s legalization of pot and the color shift from a red state to a blue state, but that’s a story for another day.

OK, enough snark. My point is, skiing brought boatloads, planeloads and shitloads (well, OK, maybe a little more snark) of people to the Colorado mountains. I miss the Colorado of my boyhood.

But there’s hope. Skiing may be dying. As I hinted, snow conditions this year are really terrible. The snowpack on top of Vail (ugh!) Pass when I drove over it last week was about 4 inches. As my hero Dave Barry might say, I’m not making that up. There’s less snow than I’ve ever seen for this time of year, and very little in the upcoming forecast.

And this isn’t just a one-year drought. I’m pleased to report that the stock price of Vail (ugh!) Resorts, Inc. is down 64% from its peak some four years ago as the recreational tastes of the baby boomer generation ages from downhill skiing at high altitude into flat ocean cruises at, as you might expect, sea level.

I’m praying that this season of good driving continues next winter, and the winter after that. With three consecutive good-driving winters and the continued aging of the Boomers, we just might reclaim Colorado for 11-year-old boys, of all ages.

Enter the “When will Joe drop out?” pool and win a free drinking hike in Aspen with me!

I like to hike, and I do a lot of it here around Aspen. I also like to see mean old Joe Biden and his hillbilly grifter family humiliated. And I like to drink wine. And I like interacting with my readers.

I figured out a tasty blend of these amusing activities. But first, here’s my take on the election.

Last night’s softball interview with Democrat flack George Stephanopoulos did little to quell the calls for Joe to drop out in the wake of last week’s catastrophic 90-minute cognitive test, a test on which he crashed and burned and his ashes were buried. The pundits and oddsmakers put the odds of Joe dropping out at around 60% these days.

The calls to drop out are even coming from the Democrats. Of course, their motivation is not the good of the country. Their motivation is that he is now dragging down the down-ticket Democrat candidates. And their secondary motivation is that they want voters to forget their contention just weeks ago that Joe is “sharp as a tack.”

It’s tough to reconcile that contention with Joe’s 90-minute implosion – or with current statements coming out of the White House that he’s much less senile between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. and that they’ll be sure to keep him under wraps altogether after 8 p.m.

The most damning thing from the Biden-opoulos interview was Joe’s reiteration that he refuses to take a cognitive test to confirm or refute the charges of senility.

Of course, that means he has indeed taken such a test and failed it, and so the White House has buried the results. At his age and demeanor, it would be medical malpractice for his physicians not to have administered such a test.  

Everyone knows all this. Senile Joe and “doctor” Jill and criminal Hunter are engaged in simple denial.

But they will eventually come around to the next stages of grief. They’re already showing some anger. Next will be bargaining – for pardons, book deals and the like. Then depression when they learn that none of that is available. And then, finally, acceptance.

I say it will all happen very soon because the Democrats are desperate and the time is short. Rehabilitating Kamala to be his replacement is a major project. It’s already started, but they need more time with her.

So, I predict that Joe will drop out tomorrow afternoon, July 7, during his awake time between 10 and 2. Specifically, I put it at 1:34 Eastern Times.

Make your own prediction! The person who gets closest wins a day of hiking and drinking with me near Aspen. Or, at your election, an evening of walking and drinking inside Aspen proper. (So-called friends have suggested that the second place prize should be two such outings with me, and the third place prize should be three.)

From the start, we can do our best Joe imitations. Such as “C’mon man!” if one of us falls behind and “Here’s the deal” for no particular reason and “Anyway” whenever we don’t know what to say.

Two hours into it, we can do our best wide-eyed, shuffling, stiff-legged gait imitating Joe. Four hours into it, we can do our best asleep-with-the-nuclear-codes imitation.  (Don’t worry, we’ll have a designated driver, and the codes will be cheap fakes.) All the while, we’ll enjoy taunting the Democrats of Aspen, of whom there are a great many but not many great.

Leave your predictions in the Comment Section below. (For consistency, use Eastern Time.)