DJT: WELCOME EVERYBODY TO MY BIG BEAUTIFUL TURKEY DAY WHERE WE ALL GIVE THANKS TO THE HOST!!!

Joe Biden: I want ice cream.

DJT: QUIET, PIGGY!

Barack Obama: What we now call Thanksgiving presented an existential threat to native Americans, both foul and fowl. But if you like your turkey, you can keep it.

Al Gore: Lockbox. Gotta put the turkeys in a lockbox. Solar powered. Tax deductible.

DJT: AL, THAT’S SO 1996! TODAY IT’S BITCOIN BITCOIN BITCOIN!!! HERE, I HAVE A FEW YOU CAN BUY!

Bill Clinton: What’s that I feel on my leg? Is there someone under the table?  

George W. Bush: This party needs more strategery. Who wants to dance? Laura, let’s dance!

Joe: Now Dancer now Prancer now Dancer now Dancer now Dancer . . . _{Medicare . . . I used to be a turkey . . .}

DJT: I DON’T KNOW WHAT HE SAID. I DON’T THINK HE KNOWS, EITHER.  

Bill: . . . moan . . . moan . . . moanica . . .

Dick Cheney:  . . .   . . .  . . .

JD Vance: Barack, the problem with the Indians is they weren’t Christians. Indians that refuse to convert to Christianity deserve to be divor– . . . er, I mean genocide’d.

DJT: I DIDN’T WANT THEIR STUPID LITTLE PRIZE ANYWAY. DO YOU KNOW HOW COLD IT IS IN NORWAY THIS TIME OF YEAR?

Bill: Puh-leeze pass the mashed potatoooOOOO!

Elon Musk: I sense a commercial opportunity here. Turkeys are flightless birds, right? We give ‘em the gift of flight by putting a flock of ‘em on SpaceX, take ‘em up 120,000 feet, dump ‘em out the back. They’ll rain down at about 1800 mph and the air friction will roast them to perfection – and pluck them to boot. We charge money for the space-roasted turkeys and money to view the event and money for shares in the corporation that manages it all. If Tesla is worth a trillion dollars, this scheme is worth 200 billion, easy. Think of the mark-up. That’s about $1,000,000,000 per turkey, or $50,000,000 per pound. [Gives a Heil Hitler salute]

Al: Solar powered?

Elon: What?

Al: Solar powered? Which part is solar powered? 

Elon: None of it is solar powered, you moron.

Al: Hard to make money without the solar power angle – that’s what gets you the tax deduction.

Barack: It’s time to end these existential threats to flightless fowl.

DLJ: QUIET PIGGY!

Joe: Let’s sing Turkey carols!

DLJ: QUIET PIGGY!

Bill, whispering: Excuse me, I’m going under the table.

Hillary: QUIET PIGGY!

Mitt Romney:  . . .  . . .  . . .

Hillary: Not you, Mitt. In fact, you should be less quiet. Say something, Mitt!

Mitt: Well . . .

Hillary: OK, that’s enough.

Michelle Obama: QUIET PIGGY!

Hillary: Are you talkin’ to me, bitch?!?!

Michelle: Ho yo’ callin’ bitch, ho? 

Hillary: QUIET PIGGY!

George: Talk about weapons of mass destruction . . .

Bill:: OH MY GAWD OH MY GAWD OH MY GAWD !!! It was Barack all along! It was Barack under the table! Feeling my leg. And . . . then . . . OH MY GAWD!!!

Hillary and Michelle: What about my leg?

Barack and Bill: QUIET PIGGY!

Melania:  . . .   . . .  . . .

DLJ: SO, I TOLD THEM TO JUST GIVE THEIR STUPID LITTLE PRIZE TO THAT GIRL IN VENEZUELA. SHE’S KINDA HOT.

Bill [already recovered]: Yeah, she is.

Al: You need to put solar panels on the rocket, Elon. Or just something that looks like solar panels so you can get the tax break. Maybe card tables.

Elon: You’re a moron, Al.

Cha[u]ncey Billups: Did someone say “cards”?

DJT: I TOLD BLONDI BONDI TO SUE ‘EM BEFORE DINNER’S OVER – IN FLORIDA. HA!  

Gavin Newsom [coming in the door]: Hair I am!

DJT: YOUR HAIR’S NOT THAT GREAT. 

Hillary: I’m surrounded by deplorables.

DJT: REVERSE DISCRIMINATION. SUING THEM FOR REVERSE DISCRIMINATION.

Kamala [coming in behind Newsom]: Hey everyone, long no see time! With you here indeed that I was in the ‘hood the timing was appropitious.

Everyone: QUIET PIGGY!

Melania [muttering to herself]: Slovenia is looking pretty good. In 759 days, I’m outahere.