Exclusive to The Aspen Beat:

Deion and Taylor got married. It was a low-key affair, by their standards. A few million of their closest friends.

Taylor’s bridesmaid was the indefatigable, impermeable, invaluable, impressive, Nikola Jokic, the best thing to come out of Serbia since that other Nikola whose name was unfortunately appropriated a century later for a vehicle that is self-driving and self-incinerating.  

After the wedding, the newlyweds rode off into the sunset in, you guessed it, a Tesla. They got as far as Ventura County before the juice gave out and the car caught fire.

OK, I made all that up. But I had you going, didn’t I? You clicked into this, and that’s the whole point of the carnival barker schtick that used to be called “journalism.”

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