Glenn K. Beaton is a writer and columnist living near Aspen. He has been a contributor to The Wall Street Journal, RealClearPolitics, Powerline, Instapundit, American Thinker and numerous other print, radio and television outlets.
In a recent mixed gathering of friends and casual acquaintances, a man made a joke about “mental masturbation.” A woman’s rejoinder mentioned her habits of the physical kind. Everyone laughed. I did too. It was funny.
That’s an exchange that would not have happened a few years ago. Back then, and forever prior to then, onanism was a fine thing that 90% of people practiced, often to perfection, but 110% denied. Heck, they didn’t even need to deny it, because the entire topic was taboo.
Not so anymore. Connect these dots:
*Online porn is booming,
*Sex toy sales are skyrocketing,
*Nobody goes to work anymore,
*But … pregnancies are down, not up.
My conclusion is that people are getting laid, a lot, but they’re all alone. Why go to the time, trouble, expense and risk of meeting and getting to know and love someone who might reject you when you can score online in minutes?
A decade ago, the EPA determined the Keystone Pipeline would produce “no adverse environmental” effects. But Joe “Follow-the-Science” Biden (does anyone seriously think Biden knows anything about science or bothers to follow it?) killed the pipeline hours after being sworn in last January.
Glenwood Canyon in Western Colorado was the last obstacle in I-70 across America. They just needed one last 14 mile stretch along the Colorado River to connect with Glenwood Springs. From there the highway was already in place down-river and onto the deserts of Utah.
They blew it.
They chose to follow the old wagon road alongside the Colorado River through the magnificent canyon lined with steep 2,000-foot cliffs of sandstone, shale, limestone and granite. The river snakes between the cliffs, varying unpredictably between a trickle and a torrent depending on recent thunderstorms and last winter’s snowpack a hundred miles away.
My TV has been broken for over a year (OK, maybe I don’t know how to work the remote) but I watched a little of the Olympics at a friend’s house this week. “A little” seems to be all that anyone is watching this time. Ratings are down 49%.
The events were dull but I learned something from the advertisements. I learned that most people in this country are black, and all of the good ones are.
Blacks, who comprise about 13% of the U.S. population, comprise most of the actors in the advertisements. Aliens in faraway worlds receiving television signals from earth are apt to conclude that the most powerful culture on Earth is run by good black people.
Joe Biden told a half-empty town hall meeting sponsored by CNN this week that if you get the vaccine then you won’t get COVID, that he plans to ban both handguns and rifles, and that a small restaurant owner struggling to hire workers who would rather be paid COVID dollars not to work should simply increase the wages he pays.
These lies and absurdities are of course not the first, and are only one facet of a man who is weirdly and wildly declining – from an already low base. He’s been a serial plagiarist since college days. Back in 2006 he said, “You cannot go to a 7-Eleven or Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent.” In 2007 he congratulated Barak Obama for being “articulate and bright and clean.”
In his most recent presidential campaign, a young woman asked him about his weak showing in the Iowa caucus. His answer was to ask her if she’d ever been to a caucus. She said she had. He then called her “a lying dog-faced pony soldier.”
Biden called a man at a campaign stop last year “full of shit” for contending that he wanted to take away guns – which is exactly what he promised to do in this week’s CNN townhall meeting.
He scolded a black radio interviewer that “you ain’t black” for being undecided whether to vote for him or Donald Trump. He warned blacks that Mitt Romney planned to “put y’all back in chains.”
He called a questioner at another town meeting “fat” and a “damned liar” and then challenged the man to a pushup contest or an IQ test.
Which brings us to Biden’s recent physical and mental stumbles. He has repeatedly referred to his vice president as “President.” He referred to his Secretary of Defense as “senator” and later that same week forgot his name entirely. He hemmed and hawed and finally was reduced to calling him, “the guy who runs the outfit over there.” He gestured as if in the direction of the Pentagon while actually gesturing in a different direction.
Daily COVID deaths and new cases are down to pre-pandemic levels in America. Even the CDC says masks are no longer required for vaccinated people. Heck, even school teachers are returning to the classrooms – sans masks – now that their demands for more money and less work have been met.
Weirdly, however, many people are still wearing masks. In fact, I often see mask wearers driving around alone in their cars. What’s up with that?
A little historical context is necessary. Dr. Fauci originally told us that masks were not effective. It turned out that he never really believed that. He was lying in order to conserve the masks for people he thought deserved them.
Then when masks became plentiful, the good doctor said they are effective after all and so we should wear them. He himself took to wearing two at a time, both over his mouth. I rather wish he’d worn half a dozen.
I’ve observed, and many studies have shown, that conservatives are happier than the leftists that we used to call “liberals.” Conservatives are more generous, more married, more religious, more fit, more humorous and more optimistic.
Unsurprisingly for a group with such traits, they have more and closer friends. They clearly love their country more. They work harder, they play harder, and they’re more likely to see meaning in life.
I don’t think conservatives are that way because they’re conservative. That’s a big load to put on a political outlook. No, I think they’re conservative because conservativism attracts people who possess those qualities.
And so conservativism shouldn’t be sold like Scientology. Conservativism won’t make you happy if you’re not already. But if you are happy, you’ll find a comfortable and natural home in conservativism.
Despite the problems of the world and the unending need for improving it, conservatives see a magical and spiritual place full of opportunity, adventure, joy and love. Conservatives see the world not as a glass-half-empty, but as a glass-half-full that gets fuller even as they drink from it.
Conservatives would be conservative wherever they reside. But I’m glad that so many are here in America, and I’m proud to be in their company. God bless the USA.
In the theater of the absurd that passes for wokery, they ban words and phrases that purportedly trigger unpleasant emotions in the audience. These include:
“Mumbo jumbo” because it’s a corruption of the name of the African god Maamajomboo. Who knew?
“The most qualified person should get the job” because it triggers feelings of inferiority in persons who are inferior to the most qualified.
“Peanut gallery” because it triggers memories of the old days when black people sat there and ate peanuts. Don’t use that phrase, especially around a black person because the painful memories may reduce him (er, I mean them – see below) to tears.
“Cannibal” because it triggers the Carib tribe (oops, “tribe” is triggering, I meant the Carib cannibal community – see below) of the West Indies who ate people. But only as many as they needed to feed themselves.
Once-beautiful Denver succumbed to vagrant enablement a few years ago. It was a pathetic attempt not to be outdone by Seattle and Portland – which have long sought not to be outdone by San Francisco. To be a great city, the thinking apparently goes, you have to be a filthy one.
And so filthy vagrants overran downtown Denver and hip “LoDo” where they now camp on the sidewalks, poop in the gutters, shoot-up in the streets and assault passersby.
The city is finally sweeping them, a little, in anticipation of its hosting of the baseball All-Star Game next month. Aware that the town will be on national TV, so far this year Denver has conducted as many vagrant camp sweeps as all of last year. The tent city is finally gone from the downtown jewel across from the state capitol building, Civic Center Park. The chain link fencing surrounding the capitol itself has finally been taken down, and vagrants are prohibited from camping there.
Yesterday, Joe Biden held one of his so-called press conferences. With the aid of 3 x 5 cards, he speaks, sort of, in response to pre-approved questions from pre-approved reporters.
In reply to their softball questions, he leaned into the microphone and whispered Freddy Krueger-like, all pasty white, wrinkled and weird, that “consequential” money would be flowing to people who vote for Democrats.
The bizarre scene dubbed “Creepy Joe” immediately trended on Twitter. “Doctor” Jill must have 911 on one speed dial number and the guys with butterfly nets on another.
Less than half the money actually goes to infrastructure, a word that now means whatever the Dems say it means from minute to minute. But, no matter, a deal is a deal.
Except when it’s not. After Biden’s announcement, the hard left that controls the Democrat party objected. AOC objected that the negotiators were too white. Other Democrats objected that the negotiated compromise failed to send enough money to people dead and alive who vote for them. Other Democrats objected that … well, you get the point. People not in the actual negotiations always think their side got the short end of the stick.