It’s been a good week for dying. People we’ve lost and who’ve lost us include Dolly Parton and, now, Gloria Steinem. Only in America would we get these two. Talk about diversity!

Their strategies for succeeding were different, though equally effective. Gloria presented herself as a good-looking, engaging, ambitious, smart woman. Dolly presented herself as a good-looking, engaging, ambitious, dumb woman – who was actually very smart.

Both were personable. Dolly was personable because you don’t get ahead in show biz without it. Gloria was personable because, at the time, you didn’t get ahead in politics without it. (Today, we’ve devolved into a political world with alternative ways to get ahead.)

There’s no word on whether Dolly and Gloria were friends, but I’ll bet they weren’t. It’s likely that their first meeting will be at the Pearly Gates. Gloria will probably negotiate her way through, and Dolly will probably bust her way through. Neither will be turned away.

So, which one will their Heavenly Hosts hang with?

To be candid, I don’t really know. I’ve never been up to The Place. I have few connections to The Place. As a former lawyer, I may never get to The Place, and I have to admit that everything I know about The Place is inadmissible double or triple hearsay.

Between Dolly and Gloria, I do have my personal favorite. I really want to say that it’s Dolly. I suspect that she shares my conservative leanings; I like women who are not vertically taller than I am; she was famously generous; and it’s good that she will allllllllwaaays love me since I’m not always very lovable.

But, no, my favorite is Gloria. I know, we will argue politics a lot. She’s threateningly tall at 5’9” in case I were the type of man who feels threatened by that. She said she had an abortion. She helped women for a while but her dogmatism ultimately hurt them. Her hair was always parted down the middle, which was okay for a 34-year-old looker but a little stale for a 90-year-old.

But she had a certain moxie that said, “I live by my own rules, not yours. No gimmicks, no artifice.”

I like that in a woman, even though – or perhaps because – the resulting friction produces some heat. Maybe that attitude is the most important thing she taught women. Do your own thinking and act like who you are. Women are not here to be a man without a penis. Be a woman, not a possession. Woman up.  

Some of today’s men could use the same lesson. We’re here to do our own thinking and to act like who we are. We’re not here to be a woman with a penis (or without). Be a man, not a possession. Man up.