Sidney Sweeney, best I can figure it, is an heir to Paris Hilton, Brooke Shields and the Kardashian Klan. She has a new ad out. She “dresses” in sports balls, like footballs, basketballs, baseballs, and so on. Nothing comes between Sidney and her balls. My favorite is the golf balls, and I don’t even golf.

Liberals hate the ad because, well, you know why. It’s because they don’t like young attractive women acting like young attractive women. Liberal women think women should be as old and fat as they are.

As for liberal men, they think women should have a penis. After all, someone has to.

Sidney’s ad revealed enough for me to conclude that she is not old, she is not fat, and she does not have a penis. (I watched the ad 16 times to confirm that. Investigative journalism lives!)

But of course, the liberals aren’t honest about their reasons for hating Sidney’s new ad. They instead have a rationale. They say it debases women athletes because it implies that they’re really hot.

Why doesn’t anyone debase me that way? That former Patriots quarterback with the model girlfriend, he gets debased. He gets debased right and left. He gets debased all the time.

But me? Noooooooo. Nevahhh. It’s not fair.

The debasement thing is a problem in women’s sports, according to liberals. The God-given destiny of woman’s sports is to be the domain of . . . (you know what’s coming) . . . men.

It’s not just any men, mind you. It’s the men who act like women, which is approximately 100% of liberal men. And so, Sidney’s debasement of women’s sports is wrong, wrong, wrong because it debases liberal men.

It might even be unconstitutional, according to the new 13-Justice Supreme Court we’ll soon enjoy.

Sorry Sid. Let me know if you need a shoulder to cry on, or if you want to debase me. I’m here for you.