Pfizer has sold $25 billion worth of Viagra and now they’ve raised the bar even higher. To keep their Viagra customers happy, healthy and horny, they invented a vaccine against COVID.

The FDA approved the vaccine for emergency use this month, years after approving Viagra for “emergency” use (isn’t all use of Viagra an emergency?). Viagra will of course retain its preeminence in the company, and so the vaccine will likely become known as “Pfizer’s Other Drug.”

Some say this medicine comes too soon, that it needs more testing, more time to get acquainted, more foreplay, more cuddling. I say baloney. Viagra comes not a moment too soon. Same with Pfizer’s Other Drug. If only they had come at the same time.

It was indeed a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am kind of year. It’s with proper social distancing, mind you, which can cramp one’s style among other things and attenuate both the whams and the bams. But in sex, Americans and all other people are resourceful.

Sadly, however, there appears not to be the pregnancy surge we often see after a city blackout. Although sperm are ingenious in navigating their way through the kind of person who identifies as a woman because she is one, they cannot navigate across a room or through a Zoom teleconference lens.

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